Brace Face

I was thinking that getting braces would mean I might lose a little weight. I'll preface this by saying that I haven't gained any, but the really easy to eat foods are all pretty !@#$%ing bad for you. I'm addicted to Cream of Wheat, which is fine in and of itself, but when you put the butter in it, that blows it all to hell. At least I'm using Splenda instead of sugar, right?! What a lame rationalization!

So, in a word, this braces thing SUCKS. I know that in the end my issues with TMJ will be much better - if not solved. And, the other issues I've had with bridge-work, etc...will be a thing of the past. But, in the present on the way to the future in which all of that is past this braces thing is the WORST!!! I'm looking for healthy foods. I'm eating a lot of soup. Trying for yogurt and cottage cheese instead of ice cream and pudding. Although salads are basically out. Here's why:

I have a Trans-Palatal Arch (TPA) that goes across the roof of my mouth that is basically a wire and looks like somebody unbent a paper clip, shoved it against the roof of my mouth and attached it to my molars. At Christmas day dinner my sister almost did the Heimlich on me because I got a piece of spring mix caught on the damned wire and when I swallowed it was hanging on the wire AND 1/2 way down my throat. This led to choking. It wasn't pretty. I sprinted to the bathroom, reached in and pulled out the leaf of death and proceeded to continue to cough and choke until I lost my Christmas day dinner. I returned to the dinner table all watery-eyed and red-faced. Not my best look. Thus - no more stringy food. I'd rather have to take vitamins than be dead.

Just to reiterate.

Braces suck.

TRUTH

So this morning I went to the grocery store because I had woken up only to remember I had run out of creamer for my tea. I'm in line and this is the exchange I hear:

Customer: Can I also have a pack of Marlboro Lights please?

Clerk: Do you want a box or soft pack?

Customer: (Very deadpan delivery...) It doesn't matter to me. The both have the same amount of death in them.

Clerk and Me: (Laughter)

Customer: (Looking each of us in the eye and also with deadpan delivery...) Clearly neither one of you smokes. (Exit left through automatic door.)